Melissa hugged her daughter at the college dorm, got in the rental car, and wept all the way to the airport. The tears surprised her.

When you go through even an expected change, the reality settles in your heart when you wave goodbye.

Parents know the relationship they had will be different.  They aren’t sure what their role will be and that is unsettling.

For a while you might not have been the go to person or the number one with your children . They might have been your number one, which doesn’t imply you didn’t have “a life.”

No guilt or judgment about your relationship.  You did the best you could at the time.  Truth is, most parents would drop what they were doing if their child needed them no matter what age or stage.

Grieving the role you lived as parent is unique, based on your relationship with yourself and your child.  All parents feel the shift of this milestone.  Comparing yourself to how your friends or others are doing in this transition of life doesn’t honor who you are right now.

There  are many moments you are relieved at not addressing your child’s needs or schedule, but that has nothing to do with love, deep love.

When you love someone and can’t have time with them, you miss them.

Empty nest is a time of honoring all you gave. Reminiscing what you love about parenting and what you won’t miss.

You could write a letter to yourself , “ I appreciate the way I…   I honestly won’t miss the way I had to….” You will find your words.  Fifteen minutes of writing is healing.

Feelings are vulnerable and can be unavailable. Thoughts come more naturally, spinning us with pictures we make in our head, or leaping ahead to the “what ifs”…  Comfort comes in a smorgasbord. Get to know yourself day by day. Leave the judgment.  With every thought and feeling there is a gift and curse while walking changes.  Maybe you can practice holding both,” the gift of my spinning with thoughts is… the curse of it is….”  Empty nest gives permission to know yourself in new ways. Your two constant friends are compassion and curiosity.

Even if you have gone through this before, when the last child leaves, you weep.
Career, married, single, all weep when the house emptiness of your child and their friends.
Community is lost.
School days are over.
You long for new meaning and connections.
You want your child to call.

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