Veteran Shares Experience-Based Tips to Avoid Scams – and Worse

Nearly half of all single baby boomers are dating, and many of them are swelling the profiles of online matchmaking websites with names like SilverSingles, SeniorPassions and dating.aarp.org.

Match.com, one of the largest dating sites for people of all ages, says its baby boomer clientele has grown 90 percent in five years, with a quarter of its 15 million users ages 50 to 65.

“Older people love a good romance as much as 20-somethings, and many of us still get just as love-drunk as we did when we wore size 32 Levis with no Expanda-Waist,” says Charles W. Massie, a baby boomer who wrote about his online dating experience in a new novel, “Stains on the Gavel” (www.starshowpublications.com).

“But you’ve really got to be careful, whether you’re a woman or a man. A lot of women my age complain the men they meet haven’t changed at all in 50 years – they want to skip the coffee and head straight for the bedroom. My experience was even worse!”
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After the sudden death of her husband of 33 years, Cherie Metcalf was brought the darkest place in her life. Questions of “why?”, “how can I go on?” and “when will it stop hurting?” persisted to roam Cherie’s heartbroken thoughts.

Event the simplest things of making dinner for one and attending church alone became almost impossible to continue without the support from her soul mate.

She then realized she had to fight it all to move on for the sake of her children and grandchildren and the time had come to write the book her husband had always encouraged her to write, “Blue Heart.”

With the help of this book, readers who are experiencing the loss of a loved one and those who are looking to rediscover the purpose in their lives, will become empowered to take control and rise above their pain.

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The statistics about marriage are enough to discourage anyone off from walking down the aisle. Studies have shown that nearly one-third of all marriages fail in the first five years and more than one-half end in divorce.  Marriages often collapse because couples are not prepared to go the distance and withstand the inevitable conflict that comes as the years go by.

Even those “honeymoon years” may seem more like “boot camp” after just a few months of trying to acclimate to each other’s personality differences and habits. The irritation and tensions that arise are inevitable as two independent lives try to merge into one. Yet, when couples do not understand this fact, they may start looking for the exit door, thinking that they have made a grievous mistake.

Finding common ground is easier when focusing on the fact that everyone really just wants to be happy. And, what better way to enjoy life to its fullest than to find a partner to share it with? Because of this shared value, the idea of marriage is still relevant and valuable today. Numerous published studies have concluded that a happy marriage is more likely to lead to enhanced physical and mental health.

But, too often, people enter the bond of marriage, hoping it somehow results in a harmonious alliance without realizing that they have the power to ensure the health and happiness of their relationship. That power lies in the quality of your communication with your partner. Below I have identified the 5 most important communication keys necessary to help a marriage not only survive, but thrive so that both partners can actualize their dreams of “happily ever after.

1.  Considering the benefits of arguments. Some believe that the ideal relationship is one that is argument-free. As a result, those who do start arguing may devalue the relationship by concluding that this is a sign that it was not meant to last. Not true! Many couples have been put off by their arguments and have ended their marriages. Why? It’s because they were not communicating. Even if communication at times means arguing, at least opinions and feelings are being shared.

More importantly, it is important to reshape your thoughts around arguments.  Conflict is a sign that the relationship is trying to evolve. Arguments simply signify that we are now being brought into position for transition in a relationship. If anything, these verbal sparring matches are ways to address an impasse in the relationship so that a new phase of relational growth can occur. Friction starts and arguments tend to follow a theme. When the argument circles on the same issues time and time again, each person can make a conscious decision to undertake changes to help the relationship move beyond this impasse. However, this can only happen if both parties understand and appreciate the reason for all this seeming adversity and friction. When couples do not understand the role of conflict in the relationship, a negative thought process causes them to doubt the security of the relationship and thoughts of jumping ship prevail.

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© Copyright 2012 by Robert Moskowitz

Dear Robert:

My father is in his mid 70s, and generally healthy. But he has been taking several prescription drugs for more than a year. Last month, he began feeling unusually fatigued and mentally confused. He’s weaker and more depressed than he has been, too.

My father has always been an independent person, and these conditions are very upsetting to him. They also make my life more difficult, as I must now visit more often to check on him. I also worry more about him even when I’m not visiting.

Is this just the common downward progression due to aging, or is there something we can do to get him back to normal?

Signed, New Problems With Dad

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© Copyright 2012 by Robert Moskowitz

Dear Robert:

My favorite Aunt is suffering with Alzheimer’s. She hardly knows me anymore when I go to visit her, and it’s the same story with my cousins, her own children.

She’s still living at home, but her husband is not in very good shape to take care of her, and I’m afraid she could suffer some kind an accident in the house, or maybe cause one. She might even start wandering and get lost outside, or somehow come to harm some other way.

Her children (my cousins) aren’t sure she’s ready for a nursing home. Can you tell us how you decide when someone like my Aunt should move to a nursing home? If she’s a good candidate for this kind of a move, how should we introduce it to her?

Signed, Wavering But Worried

Dear Wavering:

I’m sorry that your Aunt is suffering this way. Alzheimer’s (may I assume your Aunt has been diagnosed with this disease by a competent physician?) takes people away from their families in a very emotional and heart-wrenching way. Sometimes it can feel worse than death. And of course, there is the potential for all the problems you mentioned in your letter, and more.

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© Copyright 2012 by Robert Moskowitz

Dear Robert:

My father always prided himself on being one of the smartest in the family. He kept strictly up‑to‑date on politics, economics, everything. But in the last few months, he’s lost interest in the daily news, and some of his comments and advice are downright fuzzy‑headed!

Does this mean he’s getting Alzheimer’s Disease. If so, can we stop it from destroying his intelligence?

Signed, Optimistic in Ohio

Dear Optimistic:

You have every reason for optimism. Only about one percent of those over 65 actually have Alzheimer’s Disease. However, “Alzheimer’s” has become a convenient catchword to describe every type of senility and memory loss, despite vast differences too important to ignore.

Alzheimer’s Disease produces characteristic tangles of fibers and degenerated nerve endings, particularly in areas of the brain responsible for memory and “intellectual” processes. But the same kind of memory loss and mental deterioration can also be caused by small strokes, imbalances in body chemistry, clinical depression, thyroid problems, poor nutrition, brain tumors, head injuries or alcoholism, or even by easily remedied problems such as stress, fatigue, illness, distraction, or side‑effects of medication.

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